How to Rediscover Your Joy in Four Practices
I have never been a morning person. Never, ever, ever. And I'm still not.
As a little girl, my mom had to wrench me out of bed, every single morning, just to get me to school. The struggle was real. And I have apologized on multiple occasions for the aggravation I caused ALL of those mornings. :)
But, my mom tells me, there was one day of the week when I happily got myself up and dressed, excitedly ate breakfast, and couldn't have been more enthusiastic to get out the door! This was every Saturday morning when I was going to the Settlement Music School! Even thinking of it now makes me smile. Music?!? I was in! For me (and my parents), there was no better sign than that, that music brought me joy!
As children, we are naturally more tapped into those feelings of joy because our brains, and "logic", haven't taken over our instincts yet. Our minds have not yet developed to the point where we can talk ourselves into or out of things. We don't question our feelings as much. We follow our joy infinitely more.
And society allows us to. Yes, I want to do this. No, I don't want to do that. Often times, when something new was shown to us, we had an immediate response and, if fear didn't get in the way, just went with it. We didn't consider what we thought we should do, just what we wanted to do. Of course, there were still some rules of the road, and hopefully, our parents enforced boundaries that kept us safe, but our enthusiasm was much less dampened by those rules. Our joy led us.
Over time, our brains develop, and thinking, especially repetitive thinking, usurps our instinct for joy. Societal or familial rules begin to govern our behavior. The goals we set for ourselves, or that someone else sets for us, can keep us so focused that we miss joyful things along the way. The rational career path vs. the one that lights us up. Society's definitions of success and whether or not we achieve them. Of course, as we get older, we take on obligations — some chosen, some thrust upon us. And life comes with responsibilities and seemingly unending to-do lists. Even the things we want to do can require a lot of us. So it makes complete sense then that many times our joy takes a back seat. Or even winds up sitting on the side of the road.
But here is what I truly believe: that longing for joy never leaves us. It is always there, waiting.
Have you ever seen a play or a musical with a child or a dog in it? Have you noticed how enthralling they are to watch? Sometimes to the point where you're not even paying attention to anything else that's going on on the stage. Why is this? It’s because they are so in the moment that it feels like they are just living up there, exactly as in real life. Fully present in whatever they are doing.
So, before we dig into the four practices, let’s tune into our own presence. With the breath. As this is the basis for everything. For knowing ourselves and finding our joy.
Closing your eyes is the best way to experience this because it eliminates the external stimulation that sparks mental activity. Closing your eyes immediately helps you go inward and just feel. A somatic experience, not a thought-based one — meaning you feel it in your body, not think it through with your mind.
A real conscious breath shuts your mind off. Even if it’s only for a few seconds, that is a few more seconds than it was shut off before.
Slowly Inhale… 2… 3…
Slowly Exhale… 2… 3…
Need a little more guidance on creating a home that reflects your joy?
Here is the link to my free guide - Organize with Intention.
PRACTICE 1 : What Did You Love to Do as a Child?
If it doesn't immediately come to you, close your eyes again.
Can you picture yourself back there?
What got you out of bed in a hurry?
What were you always bugging your parents about? (For me it was singing lessons.)
What were the things you couldn't wait to do, play, see?
What were the shows you liked to watch while your parents were asleep?
Were there things you saw other kids do that made you feel envious?
If none of these bring anything up for you — did you keep a journal you could refer to? Asking a trusted relative might also help, though keep in mind that what they observed on the outside may not exactly reflect what you felt on the inside. And even if, when you were quite young, you were restricted by societal or family judgment, the opportunities available to you, or fear got the better of you, I bet you still felt inside you what the truth was for you.
PRACTICE 2 : What Overheard Conversation Would Make You Stop in Your Tracks?
Imagine yourself walking down the street. No destination, just taking a stroll. In your city, in your town, somewhere else entirely. You pass by two people having a conversation. It could be intense, it could be lighthearted. They could be laughing, they could be talking very steadily. As you walk by, you get the gist of the subject at hand. What would the topic of conversation be that would make you want, really want, to stop and join in?
PRACTICE 3 : Open Your Closet
Start making a list of what you wear and what you don't wear. Notice what you reach for and what you avoid.
Do any patterns emerge?
Are there colors you are more attracted to than others? Textures? Styles? Designs?
For instance, I am not a blue person. I have some navy things and I love blue on other people, but blue just does not feel like me.
I know there is a system regarding colors that are supposed to work with certain complexions and hair colors, but if you are deemed a "fall" and those colors don't bring you joy, I say, they are just not for you.
Even if you receive compliments on a piece, if it doesn't bring you joy, it's a no-go. During an organizing session, a client of mine held up a dress and told me how many compliments she gets every time she wears it. But the sour expression on her face said it all. When she realized what her face was doing and what that meant, out it went. And the thought of someone else finding joy wearing it? That brought her joy too.
PRACTICE 4 : Write
A piece of paper and a pen is all you need to begin. You don't need to write pages and pages a day (though once you get started, you may want to), but set aside ten minutes or more, every day. At the same time if you can — structure can really help.
Write out this question: What brings me joy?
Take a few conscious breaths and just start to write. Even if the first words are "I have no idea what to write”, write that.
Maybe take another conscious breath, then write again. Even if what you're writing has nothing to do with joy, whatever comes up, write it down. Let it come from that deep place of awareness, not your brain trying to figure it out.
Just put the question out there and keep writing.
If you sit down the next day and find yourself staring at a blank page, write the question out again and keep writing.
I promise you, it will come.
With all of these practices, the more present we are, the more we are tuned in and notice our moments of joy.
The big, the bold, the small, the seemingly insignificant.
Early in my practice of presence, I was sitting in the back seat of my parents' car, having recently begun reading Eckhart Tolle. I happened to look out the window at the car riding alongside us. I noticed how quickly the wheels were turning. Then I noticed the way the wheels were going in one direction and the hubcaps looked like they were spinning the other direction. Is that what was actually happening? Is this something I didn’t know? How cool is that? I was fascinated. I was seeing something as if for the very first time. My mind stopped and I just watched. I felt just like that little kid bouncing out of bed every Saturday morning. I started laughing at how wondrous it was. And then for a split second, I was aware that I was aware of it — and that made me laugh even more. How wonderful that something completely mundane created such enthusiasm!
That was joy.
Had I been lost in thought, it would have passed me by. During those moments of presence, the past was no longer relevant. The future felt like it didn't exist. The stories I told myself and the judgments about every passing thing were completely gone.
I was just there. Completely absorbed. Fully.
Use these practices. Keep coming back to your breath. You will rediscover your joy!
If this spoke to you and you'd like help reconnecting with your joy — and creating a home that reflects it — I'd love to hear from you. Please reach out for a complimentary consultation.