Why the Words We Say to Ourselves Are Keeping Our Homes Disorganized
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."
A saying we have all heard. Probably on a playground. Probably more than once. And probably offered to us as words of wisdom with the best of intentions.
But it's not a saying with which I agree.
Words are powerful. The words we use with others — friends, colleagues, strangers — they have the ability to make someone feel heard, understood, loved, uplifted. Or bad, sad and cast down… or even worse. Of course, every person is responsible for the way they react and take in the words of others, but even so, our words matter.
We've all felt the sting of a careless or cruel word, or the elevation of a kind, generous one. And yet we are not always impeccable with our words - not only with others, but perhaps even more importantly, with ourselves. And the words we say to ourselves might be the most potent of all.
Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy;
it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself.
This is the first agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements. And from the moment I read it, I knew it was something I wanted to examine in my own life. Was I always impeccable when I spoke to others? Was I always impeccable when I spoke to myself?
Identifying with our ego - anything that makes us feel greater than or less than someone else as Eckhart Tolle defines it - can be so strong. Our desire for people to think about us exactly how we want to be perceived can outweigh our impeccability. And really, attachment to ego and image is not about who we truly are. Here, now. So really, at its heart, “being impeccable with your word” is a way to practice presence. And presence — being fully here, in this moment, rather than lost in the past or future — is, I believe, the richest way to live life.
Being impeccable with our words also leads us to make impeccable choices about the things we choose to surround ourselves with. In our home and beyond.
A Sweet Lesson in Impeccable Words
A bunch of years ago, I decided I wanted to stop eating refined sugar, just to be a healthier me. I won't say it was easy. As I'm sure we all know by now, sugar is physically addictive and pretty ubiquitous. So, I started on my expedition toward sugar-freeness by reading every label of every food I purchased.
Though this could have absolutely overwhelmed me, I was determined. But I didn't want to white-knuckle my way through it by fixating on never eating sugar again forever, so I just took it one moment at a time. Practicing presence. One ingredient label. One meal. One snack. One conscious choice by one conscious choice.
This is when I also thought that maybe Ruiz's first agreement might be able to help me. So I started using these words with myself: I don't eat sugar anymore. I had made a decision for my health, a loving choice, and these words were simply my honest expression of that truth and love for myself, exactly, it seems to me, as Ruiz intended.
Slowly but surely, I bought fewer and fewer items with refined sugar, and bit by bit I began losing my taste for it.
However, since I was in charge of the foods that came into my home, this turned out to be the easy part. The more challenging part was going out to dinner with friends who couldn’t, or didn't want to, eat a whole dessert themselves – “I'll get one if you share it with me." No pressure there! Or even more challenging, sticking to it when a friend lovingly invited me to dinner and had worked so hard to prepare a lovely, delicious-looking something sweet for the end of the meal. I certainly didn't want to insult anyone, especially a dear friend.
And so I turned to those same words again: I don't eat sugar anymore. “Thank you so much — that cake looks absolutely amazing, but I don't eat sugar anymore.”
Moment by moment it built. It became easier and easier to say no thank you. More and more my words felt natural. Until eventually, I no longer felt any pull whatsoever. Being impeccable with my words I don't eat sugar anymore had become an easy reality.
Organizing Your Words to Be Impeccable
So this is my question for you … what are the words you are saying to yourself — and to others — about your home? Are you being impeccable with that word? Or are you telling yourself stories, identifying with ego?
Words – impeccable or not – will directly influence the choices you make about what you want to have around you.
What we keep, what we release, what we allow in.
"I am such a messy person."
"No matter what I do, I can't stay organized."
"I will never have a neat home."
"I'm just so stressed and overwhelmed with all of my stuff."
"Where on earth do I even start?”
Or maybe it sounds like this…
“If only I had more time.”
“If only I had more space.”
“Oh, next week when things calm down, I'll get to it.”
Do any of these feel familiar? Have you heard yourself even say some of these things out loud? Perhaps you have a whole set of different things you say to yourself.
These are not just passing frustrations. These are the words we have been saying to ourselves, and sometimes to others, for years. On autopilot. They feel like facts.
But they are not facts. They are only thoughts – ego patterns. Stories we have been telling ourselves for so long that we have become completely oblivious to the fact that we are the ones reinforcing them.
Perhaps you aren't even aware of what you are thinking and telling yourself. If that's the case, I completely understand. I remember the first acting class I ever took. We were all lying on our backs; the teacher was trying to get us to relax. Then he began talking about the voice in our head. I remember thinking, "What voice in my head? I don't have a voice in my head."
Ha! Boy, was I wrong.
In retrospect, I realize that the teacher was trying to get us to relax into the moment — to be present.
To stop. Be still. And listen. Here and now.
And it is only from that place — that still, present moment — that we can begin to truly hear ourselves. To notice what we have been saying. And to start making different choices about the items we have in our homes.
So let's do that now. Let's take two conscious breaths together.
Slowly Inhale 2…3
Slowly Exhale 2…3
Again:
Slowly Inhale 2…3
Slowly Exhale 2…3
Decluttering Your Mind for Impeccability
Ok, now… Ready to get down to it?! You might even want to grab a pen and paper for your answers. Or even use your phone to record your thoughts and feelings as they arise.
Step 1: Notice
Just walk through your home and observe. No judgment. Just curiosity. Start to hear what you're actually saying to yourself as you move through your space.
Oh, that's interesting — I just told myself I'm a messy person.
I actually just said out loud how annoying that pile of papers is.
This is where presence comes in — the breath creates the stillness and the stillness creates the awareness.
Step 2: Question
Now, are those words impeccable?
Are they using your energy "in the direction of truth and love for yourself?"
Is that how you would want someone you love to talk to themselves?
Is that how you want to talk to yourself?
Are those the patterns you want to keep repeating?
Or are they ego patterns running on autopilot?
Are those words getting you where you want to go?
Are they pointing you in the right direction?
Are they helping you live the life you want to live?
Step 3: Reframe
This is where the words you use begin to change not just how you feel about your home, but the choices you make within it.
It is not about positive thinking. It is not about pretending everything is fine when it isn't. It’s about choosing words that are impeccable. Words that come from presence. From “truth and love for yourself.”
I can never get rid of anything becomes “I am learning to keep only what brings me joy.”
I will never have a neat home becomes “I am making one conscious choice at a time.”
I don't even know where to start becomes “I can start right here. Right now.”
I'm so overwhelmed by all of this stuff becomes“I can make one decision right now, about this one thing.”
These are not just nicer things to say to yourself. They lead somewhere different. When you start saying I only keep what brings me joy you begin to see your belongings differently.
That pile of papers is no longer a source of shame — it is simply something waiting for conscious decisions. That closet full of things you never wear is not evidence of your failure — it is an opportunity to practice your joy.
One conscious decision by one conscious decision. Just like the sugar. Just like your breath. The home you want begins to emerge because you start telling yourself a different story. A truer one. And that story leads you to different choices. Conscious choices. Impeccable choices.
I am here to promise you
You are not your mess. You are not your clutter.
You can become impeccable with your words.
You can become impeccable with your choices.
One present moment at a time.
If any of this resonates with you — if you are ready to start telling yourself a different story about your home and the things in it — it would be an honor to help. Please reach out for a complimentary consultation and let's begin.
~ Selena